I received Cora’s Mamie’s Poppy Plate a few weeks ago.
I couldn’t figure out where to put it. I really wanted it in a prominent spot in our home, but was afraid to leave it out. Too many balls flying around here and I couldn’t take a chance on it breaking. So I finally settled on in the kitchen, safely in the hutch.
As I was putting Jacob in his chair for lunch today, he saw it and said “Look! Cora’s feet!” I agreed and he said “Cora’s sad.” I guess he’s remembering the general feeling he got from me in the beginning. I explained she was happy with Jesus. Then he said, “No playing with her toys. No no monster truck.” When we last visited her grave, there was another grave there that was decorated with little boy toys. Jacob was upset we wouldn’t let him take the truck home with him. Amazing what kids remember.
Celia also talks about Cora occasionally. She said yesterday that if Cora was alive, then we would have 7 in our family. She also said that when she said she was hoping the baby was a girl, that she really meant she just wanted a new baby. I don’t know what prompted her to say that. She’s obviously still doing some deep thinking about it all.
I asked a sweet lady, Joy, of Vintage Verses on Etsy, to create a hymn print of Have Faith in God. She was able to add Cora’s verse as well.
She worked hard and had to buy permission to use the hymn. I am thrilled with the results. This is hung in our family room. I view this as a reminder of victory while suffering.
Each week gets better, but I am always suprised at what triggers the tears. It seems random to me. Like when I saw a picture of me as a baby, I could just imagine what Cora might have looked and smelled like. Yet, I can see baby pictures of my other children multiple times a day and not be moved to tears. I am also able to hold other’s babies and be okay. When the grief comes, it’s fast and intense.
I am enjoying life though. For the first time in 8 years, I am not pregnant or nursing a baby. I hadn’t realized how perpetually tired I was until the last month or so. Since I’ve healed physically and the exhaustion of early grief has worn off, I am amazed how much energy I have. It really is possible to wake up early, exercise and have a quiet time without wearing yourself out for the rest of the day! Life is not always fun, but at the moment, I’m content.